7:55:00 AM
The old adage is true. We don't describe the world we see. We see the world we describe. We create our world.
In a recent TED talk, Isaac Lidsky mentions studies, which prove how our eyes deceive us, and warp our view of reality. Sharing that our brains create a sort of virtual reality.
The same is true with the language we use on a daily basis. Our words have the power to limit us. The thrilling part is that they have the ability to set us free as well.
You can tell horror stories, or we can construct healthy stories. The choice is yours.
But let's get back to reality. We all know that the language we use can change our perception. But it's so easy to slip into negative word use. It surrounds us.
Media bombards us all day. We're in a stressed out sliver of a second attention grabbing culture. Articles filled with death, deception and war fill the headlines.
So how can we pull ourselves back to reality? Better yet, how can we pull ourselves back, and then alter our reality?
The first step with any problem is addressing that the problem exists. So let's start there.
It's a problem.
You don't use the right words. You fire off emails that are curt and short. You fire off harsh words to your kids, your spouse and your colleagues.
You're on autopilot.
When we're stressed our default mode is negative. We need to actively pull ourselves out of that realm. The first step toward a solution is to get off autopilot.
Here are some ways I do it that may help you.
1. Meditation:
This is so simple, yet so h-a-r-d. That's why I use the Headspace APP to help guide me. I recommend you try it.
2. Fitness:
I'm addicted to CrossFit. You don't have to be (If you are, you should find me so we can be friends). Take a walk; get some sun on your face. If you can exercise for at least 20 minutes a day.
3. Eat good food:
Good in, good out. If you're not eating well, your body will swell. If you swell your joints will ache, and you'll have a sense of fog. When you're uncomfortable your mood is negatively affected.
Cut out carbs, get your veggies. You can't go wrong with protein, and water, water, water!
4. Get more sleep:
6 hours is good. 8 hours is better. Use the SleepCycle APP to help.
5. Friends:
Get out for that beer with your pals. Revisit good times. Celebrate birthdays. Friends are your lifeblood for a good life.
6. Lover:
Find someone to confide in and love.
7. Physical affection:
Roll around with the kids and smother them with kisses. Or roll around with your lover. Or your puppy. Or your kitten. Or go get a massage. You need physical affection. So go get it.
Now what about the language you use? Let's look at some examples:
When confronting a colleague:
Destructive:
You never...
Constructive:
One possibility is...
Can you feel the difference here? Notice I didn't ask if you can "see" the difference. Make no mistake. Language makes us feel certain ways.
We can feel a depressed person speaking in a passive voice. We can sense an angry colleague via email. While not perfect, you've felt it.
Let's keep going:
Destructive:
You make me...
Constructive:
It's my responsibility
Again, you can feel the difference here. It's about taking responsibility for your emotions. Not blaming.
People stuck in patterns of fear are often stuck using destructive language. You know who I'm talking about, and you're probably thinking of that person right now.
Their language consists of "won't,""don't,""can't."
I believe the most powerful way to see just how powerful our words can be is by spreading positivity.
What you say to others doesn't only affect them. It has a powerful impact on you. By spreading powerful supportive language, you're supporting good energy in yourself.
Test yourself. Tomorrow, spend the day thinking of positive language that you can share with people you come in contact with. You don't have to act like a mad person spreading joy.
Simple things. A few words of encouragement to a younger colleague. Or a kind word to your spouse.
Once, when I was a young man I told my Mother how fascinated I was with Sharks. They terrified me, but I enjoyed learning about them. She turned to me and with genuine feeling and love said, "Christopher, I love the way your brain works."
Those powerful, loving words stuck with me. Now, when I'm impressed with someone I say "I love the way your brain works."
Of course, it only works if you feel that way. But isn't that better than just saying "oh, interesting?"
Let me know how your day of positive language works out?
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